Ask Amy: the couple would like to resist the pressure to attend the family wedding


Dear Amy: My husband is from a European country. We are in our years & # 60;

I work part-time and has not worked in a decade due to health problems.

We are under pressure from his family to attend his sister's wedding next year in Europe.

The costs would be astronomical for both. We should be with his mother and one of us should sleep on a couch. Our little dog should have been shears and we would have been worried all the time.

My husband hates weddings and social gatherings and refuses to go if I do not go. He also says I should go without him.

His family is fighting. Half will not participate in this marriage (and live there). His mother was screaming when I told her she did not want to go. He insinuated that his sister would be extremely angry if we did not go.

My husband does not want his sister to hate him.

What is the way out of this mess?

Hard Pass

Hard Pass: You and your husband need to find an excuse (sorry, do that "reason") to lose this marriage and stick to it. Accumulating on various (completely valid) reasons for missing this marriage makes it seem like you are trying to create a smokescreen. (Do you want to go without your husband? If so, then take part, but understand that this will not satisfy your family.)

Your husband should take care of this for the following reason: these are his family members. To send yourself forward as a human shield only creates more opportunities for them to split and appeal to him.

Understand that this family pressure comes from the fact that they want to see it! Rather than blaming family members for his presence, he should acknowledge it, and be respectful and firm in response.

He should prepare himself (try, if necessary) and give a very polite "regret" to this invitation. If I were him, I would anchor myself to his bad health as a reason. If he is not well enough to work, he probably is not well enough to travel to Europe.

He should contact the bride – not his mother – to say: "I'm so sorry, but I can not do it at home for your wedding." "I'm very sorry to hear it, but I hope you'll send us a lot of photos so we can enjoy the day from here."

Your sister, her mother, and maybe other family members will build up on pressure, but you both need to be calm and educated and respond: "We know you're disappointed, but there's no way around this. good day for you. "

Dear Amy: I had a 12 year old Chihuahua. I had it for eight years, but a month ago I gave it to a friend because I was away all day and it was not right for the dog.

But now I miss it so much! I'm not as far away as I am – I'm home more now.

Is it wrong for me to ask the dog back? My friend probably would not have returned anyway. He already told me how much he loves it, but I wonder what you think?

Lonely without her

Solitary without her: I wonder what's really going on that you've delivered this old dog to your friend. But, yes, at this point, if things are different in your family, you should at least ask if your friend would return it.

If the dog seems well suited to both families, your friend may opt for a sort of joint custody agreement, where you have the dog during periods when it is absent, and vice versa.

Dear Amy: I'm worried about your advice to "Working on it in the Midwest", which wanted to make amends for a drunken sexual assault he did in college. I could not believe you actually suggested that you give it to the police!

I am a lawyer. He could face years in prison! You should have suggested that you look for a lawyer before following your terrible advice!


Concerned: In my answer, I wrote: "Are you ready to face the possible legal consequences (including being accused of a crime and / or being sued) to admit guilt for what you did?"

I meant it as a (perhaps too thin) suggestion for him to do his due diligence and understand all the consequences.

© 2018 by Amy Dickinson distributed by the Tribune Content Agency


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