Hello, I am the young girl who turned 18 with a three month old baby.I want to start by thanking. I wrote this story at a time when I felt completely alone, vulnerable, as if everyone was moving forward and I was left behind. That day I cried while writing, then I closed Facebook. I completely tuned out, firstly as I didn’t know if Jarhat was going to publish my story, and secondly because I wasn’t ready to see the reactions, good or bad.
I also want to clarify something importent. I didn’t write to ask for money nor to inspire pity. I’m embarrassed to ask. My mother, even though today our relationship is broken, always taught me not to reach out. I wrote as I needed to empty myself, because I was carrying too much alone. I’ve read some harsh comments, but I won’t respond to them.I have already judged myself more harshly than anyone else. I myself have asked myself a thousand times why I had come to this, why I had not done things differently.
I want to tell you what happened next. This story was published two days after I sent it, and I’m writing this five days after it was published. In total, its already been a week as I shed this weight.And this week, something happened that I still find hard to believe. My aunt, my mother’s sister, recognized that the story was mine. I don’t know exactly how she found out, but there were some details that allowed her to connect it all. She looked for me, came to where I lived and took me with her.
Today, I live with her, in a small town. She never married, had no children and was always vrey different from my mother. My mother was always more of the city, more social, surrounded by people. My aunt was always more of the countryside, hard work, few words. She is a woman of strong character, she is not the type to give hugs or speeches, but despite everything, I am deeply grateful to her. she opened her door to me without asking too many questions, and I will never forget that.
She lives on a small farm. She has chickens, three dogs, grows her own vegetables and makes cheese and whey to sell in the village. It’s not a luxury life, but it’s a quiet life. We are about 15 minutes by motorbike from the village,there is electricity,internet,we cook over a wood fire when we want or with gas when possible. We are not isolated from the world.My aunt’s only condition was clear: work. And I accepted without thinking. I help with everything: milking, cleaning, cooking, packing cheese, I accompany him to deliver orders while learning to drive the motorcycle. She’s going to pay me every week, and that means a lot to me, because I don’t want to feel like a burden.
I also want to tell something else. I spoke with the owner of the small neighborhood business where I had gotten credit when I was alone. I explained my situation to him and promised to reimburse him. He told me to pay it to him when I could, that there was no problem. I even offered to pay part of it with the cheese we make here, and he accepted. I’m waiting to receive my first salary to start paying it back little by little.
And for those who commented “she has data”, I want to make something clear. my phone is old, a small device. When I wrote the story,I was connected to the neighbor’s wifi. not everything is as you imagine from the outside.
Today I am calmer. I’m not going to lie: I’m still tired, I’m still learning how to be a mom, I’m still afraid of the future. But I’m no longer alone in a dark room counting coins. Now I get up early, I work, I hold my daughter while I cook, I sweep, I wrap the cheese.
Thank you to those who wrote to me with respect, with kind words, with advice. And thanks also to Jarhat for this space.
Thanks for reading me.
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