Parents dealing with a child’s meltdown experience a higher level of real-time stress than an air traffic controller handling a near miss, according to studies. Parenting evokes deep positive and negative emotions, as childhood experiences, personal values, and past parenting styles heavily influence how adults respond to their own children’s words, actions, and feelings.
Many neurodivergent children have neurodivergent parents
Neurodistinct conditions such as autism, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, and dyslexia are genetic and hereditary, meaning most neurodivergent children have a parent who is ND also. Anonymous surveys of parents attending “parenting exceptional children” courses show that 79 percent say they are or think they might be neurodivergent, while 85 percent think the other parent might be. Many adults explore neurodivergence informally during the assessment process of their child.
John Sharry, clinical director of the Parents Plus Charity and an adjunct professor at the UCD School of Psychology, encourages parents to explore family neurodiversity to improve self-understanding and relationships with their children. Sharing how a parent shares a similar way of thinking helps children feel less isolated. For instance, an autistic mother who prefers a quiet evening routine may experience conflict with an active, high-energy ADHD son who requires physical activity and conversation.
Case Study on School Challenges and Family Bonds
A father working with Sharry initially criticized his son, who was struggling in school and undergoing an ADHD assessment, believing the boy simply needed to apply himself. However, this pressure strained their relationship. When given space to discuss his past, the father recalled dropping out of school after having a similar experience and carrying a lifelong feeling of failure.
This reflection helped the father realize he might also have ADHD, allowing him to view both his own past and his son’s education with compassion rather than seeing them as personal failings. The father shifted his focus to advocating for school supports and building a bond with his son through shared outdoor pursuits. This shift also improved his relationship with his wife, who appreciated his increased involvement and the reduction in overall family stress.
Parents must identify sensory needs to manage stress
Parents, whether neurotypical or neurodivergent, must identify their individual sensory preferences and needs to manage stress effectively. People possess distinct sensory profiles that dictate what relaxes or agitates them, such as needing silence versus background noise, or requiring a clean house versus a relaxed environment. Sharry advises parents not to override their own needs immediately during conflicts with children, but rather to pause and find creative ways to meet both.
Why do parents experience high stress during meltdowns?
Why do parents experience such high stress during a child’s meltdown?
Studies show that parenting a child through a meltdown generates higher real-time stress levels than an air traffic controller handling a near miss. This occurs because parents share a deep emotional investment in their children, causing personal past experiences and triggers to surface immediately.
What percentage of parents on exceptional children courses suspect they are neurodivergent?
Anonymous surveys from courses run by clinical director John Sharry indicate that 79 percent of attending parents say they are or think they might be neurodivergent, and 85 percent think the other parent might be.
When are John Sharry’s upcoming courses and workshops scheduled?
Sharry is running a workshop on Motivating ADHD Children on November 4th and starting a Parenting Exceptional Children course on November 10th, with registration details available through solutiontalk.ie.
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