The Hidden Curriculum of Adulting: Debunking Common Myths

We often misperceive what successful adulting entails, and that can hinder our ability to perform at our best. Effective adulting relies on strengths we may already possess but hesitate to utilize. Several common myths contribute to this hesitation.

Adulting Isn’t a Single Skill—It’s a Collection of Many

We often assess individuals based on their professional capabilities. A skilled immigration lawyer, book editor, or corporate pilot may appear to excel in all areas of adulting. However, this isn’t always the case. We are judging them based on a limited view of their specialized skills.

Everyone’s adulting abilities are uneven, with strengths and weaknesses. Recognizing and leveraging our strengths while addressing our weaknesses is key. Don’t be ashamed of areas where you struggle; embrace the opportunity to improve.

Excellent Adulting Isn’t Always Polished—It’s Often Messy

Much of life involves a “hidden curriculum”—unspoken knowledge essential for success in a given area. Consider these examples:

• Buying a car at auction requiring repairs but offering potential value.
• Understanding the structures used in micro private equity transactions.
• Identifying side gigs pursued by successful professionals, such as serving on corporate boards.

Learning these skills isn’t always a clean and straightforward process. Asking questions and seeking guidance, even if it feels amateurish, is often necessary to gain the knowledge required to succeed.

Asking Questions Isn’t Just for Extroverts

Effective adulting often involves asking questions you’re hesitant to ask or taking actions that experience uncomfortable. For example:

• Requesting time to review a contract before signing.
• Probing for expert opinions when a suggestion feels generic.
• Seeking documentation to confirm assurances.
• Documenting the condition of a rental car despite assurances from the agent.

While extroverts may feel more comfortable in these situations, other traits—such as caution, conscientiousness, or experience—can be equally valuable.

Confidence in Adulting Is Often Assumed, Not Always Real

We often perceive those who navigate adulting effectively as inherently confident. Consider these scenarios:

• Sasha consults three doctors before deciding on surgery.
• Todd obtains three quotes for a heat pump, negotiating for better terms.
• Jacqui interviews three therapists before choosing one.

These individuals are demonstrating sound decision-making, but we may assume their process is easier or less awkward than it would be for us. It’s possible they experience the same discomfort but proceed anyway.

We Often Assume Others Share Our Knowledge

We all possess knowledge that others may not have. We often fail to share this information, assuming it’s common knowledge. To foster mutual benefit, we must be willing to share our insights, even if others already grasp them.

Adulting Requires Leveraging Your Strengths, Even When It Feels Awkward

Failing to recognize our strengths—including those that are subtle, unconventional, or even rebellious—can be a convenient excuse to avoid the discomfort of adulting. Acknowledging our strengths, whether natural or acquired, empowers us to develop into more competent adults.

Don’t strive for perfection every moment of every day. Instead, proactively utilize your strengths in challenging situations and when addressing setbacks.