Lindy West’s ‘Adult Braces’ and the Complicated Discourse Around Polyamory

Two weeks ago, Lindy West published her second memoir, Adult Braces, sparking considerable online debate. West, known for her 2016 essay collection Shrill—a work exploring personal reckoning and the experience of being a fat woman writer in America—became a cultural figure with Shrill, which was adapted into a Hulu series. Adult Braces delves into the aftermath of that success, specifically her interracial marriage’s journey into polyamory and the cross-country road trip she undertook to process it all.

From ‘Shrill’ Success to a Marriage in Flux

Shrill presented West’s marriage as a success story, a “fairy-tale” pairing with a conventionally attractive man. Still, Adult Braces reveals a more complex reality. The public proposal depicted in Shrill occurred although West was grieving her father and was contingent on an open relationship; otherwise, her husband was prepared to finish the marriage. This revelation and the subsequent exploration of their polyamorous dynamic, has positioned West as a focal point for various reactions, ranging from cultural reactionaries and disappointed feminists to those within the non-monogamous community.

The Politics of Polyamory and Shifting Expectations

Much of the discourse surrounding Adult Braces overlooks the book’s underlying politics and the expectations placed on women navigating polyamorous relationships. While open relationships can be fraught with challenges—often stemming from inexperience or ulterior motives—polyamory can also be a means of salvaging a marriage or a result of individual desires. West’s memoir, however, presents a scenario where these factors are intertwined, serving as a “sightseeing guide for polyamorous red flags.”

An Ultimatum and Its Consequences

A pivotal moment in the book involves West’s husband, Ahamefule Oluo, presenting an ultimatum: monogamy is inherently problematic, rooted in racist notions of ownership. West, initially hesitant, agrees to explore an open relationship, but Oluo immediately disregards the boundaries she sets, engaging in infidelity with two women. This prompts West to embark on a solo road trip to redefine her boundaries and understand her own desires. During this journey, she finds herself willing to accept the relationship on her husband’s terms, suggesting that perhaps broader acceptance could follow.

Questioning the Narrative of Progressive Polyamory

The book raises questions about the assumption that ethical non-monogamy equates to progressiveness. If the principles of ethical non-monogamy are not upheld by all parties involved, the relationship’s claim to being progressive becomes questionable. West’s narrative, at times, feels performative, seeking to present their open marriage as an enlightened political endeavor rather than acknowledging the messy realities of their situation.

Beyond the Throuple: A Search for Authenticity

West also begins dating Roya Amirsoleymani, her husband’s girlfriend. The portrayal of Amirsoleymani is limited, often framed in terms of her physical appearance and her role in maintaining a sense of peace within the dynamic. The narrative focuses on West’s desire for validation—the fact that a “hot, skinny” woman is attracted to her—rather than exploring a genuine connection with Amirsoleymani. The book details threesomes and shared moments, but West seems content with a dynamic where she is tucked in and left to her own devices, secure in her newfound independence.

The Importance of Acknowledging Imperfection

West insists that she is not brainwashed or trapped, but rather a genuine polyamorous woman making her own choices. The core issue lies in the narrative itself. By consistently presenting an idealized version of events, West avoids confronting the demanding questions about her relationship’s motivations and sustainability. She asks whether her willingness to stay is a desperate attempt to hold onto her husband or simply a desire to please others, but refrains from seeking definitive answers.

Polyamory Isn’t a Panacea

As a practitioner of solo polyamory for 14 years, the author notes that open relationships are not new, but often misunderstood. Successful polyamorous relationships don’t guarantee perfect politics, relationships, or an inherently captivating life. Acceptance of polyamory doesn’t automatically resolve issues of jealousy or the need for validation. Polyamory doesn’t make anyone a perfect partner. West’s tendency to gloss over the imperfections in her relationship makes it feel like a performance, as if the primary goal is to inspire readers with a happy ending.

Adult Braces is a story about a difficult journey to rebuild a life around the person who initially caused its disruption. Removing the political framing, it becomes a story of a woman staying with a cheating husband. The book’s value lies not in presenting polyamory as a perfect solution, but in acknowledging the messiness of relationships and the ongoing process of self-discovery.