Dr. Christina Chen says grief begins long before a loved one dies

Dr. Christina Chen, a geriatrician and host of the “Aging Forward” podcast, opened up about her recent absence from the show by detailing her mother Jenny’s death from advanced bone marrow disease and rapid-onset cancer in a first-person account shared during an episode of the podcast. Chen writes that the experience of watching her mother decline in their multi-generational home revealed that grief begins long before a loved one actually passes away.

Chen explains that her mother’s health began to change about a year ago following a diagnosis of myelofibrosis, an advanced bone marrow disease where the bone marrow stops producing blood. As her condition progressed, Jenny developed a second cancer that spread rapidly, alongside severe anemia, hospitalizations, delirium, and cognitive decline driven by chronic illness stress.

The daily reality shifted to a continuous cycle of doctor’s appointments, hospital stays, blood transfusions, and difficult family conversations. Chen notes that this prolonged decline forced her family to experience a series of small goodbyes as her mother gradually lost her independence and abilities. Rather than beginning on the day of her death, Chen writes that her grief started much earlier with every lost piece of her mother’s autonomy.

When her mother finally passed away, Chen discovered that knowing a death is coming does not prevent shock; it simply allows grief more time to settle into the heart. She describes the immediate aftermath as an overwhelming explosion of conflicting emotions, including profound sadness, disbelief, loneliness, helplessness, and guilt over feeling relief that her mother’s suffering had ended.

As a geriatrician, Chen has cared for numerous patients and families facing the final chapter of life. However, grieving as a daughter brought a personal understanding of the silence that follows a decades-long presence disappearing from a household.

What primary medical conditions contributed to Jenny’s decline?

Jenny was diagnosed with myelofibrosis, an advanced bone marrow disease, and later developed a second fast-spreading cancer. Severe anemia, medication interactions, and repeated hospitalizations also contributed to her declining health and cognitive stress.

Why did Dr. Chen step away from hosting Aging Forward?

Chen temporarily stepped away from hosting the podcast to care for her mother and manage her family's multi-generational caregiving responsibilities. Guest host Kristen Meinzer filled in during her absence.

How does Dr. Chen characterize the start of her grieving process?

Chen states that her grief began long before her mother’s death, starting with every lost piece of her mother’s independence and each subsequent hospital stay.