With the season of thanksgiving upon us, many of us instinctively reach for gratitude. We make lists,we gather with family,and we remind ourselves to appreciate what is good. But in recent years, gratitude feels harder to cultivate. And we are not imagining it. Psychologically, emotionally, and culturally, we are living through an unusually heavy time.
We carry political conflicts that divide communities and family tables. We absorb a steady stream of distressing global news, including wars, humanitarian crises, climate anxiety and economic strain. Closer to home, people are grieving the loss of loved ones, navigating caregiver stress, experiencing mental illness, and managing the daily overwhelm of modern life.And all of this arrives in a season that asks us to slow down, connect, and feel thankful.
I’ve been feeling and thinking about this tension myself. Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday. It’s historically been a day of simplicity for me, good food, family, and a sense of connection and warmth that didn’t depend on gifts or elaborate planning. In my family, Thanksgiving is potluck-style, so no one has to carry the burden of prepping a full meal. But on a walk recently,I shared with my husband that Thanksgiving has felt different these past few years. The luster has dimmed.Some of that is from losing my dad, who is no longer at the table. But some of it is simply the weight of continuing to live and love in a world that feels strained. This experience, of wanting to feel grateful while also feeling heavy, is more common than we talk about.And importantly, from a psychological standpoint, it’s also healthy.
Gratitude and heaviness are not opposites
There is a misconception that gratitude requires the absence of sorrow, conflict, or exhaustion. But human emotional life isn’t unidimensional or binary. In fact, our nervous system is built to hold multiple emotional truths at once. Emotional granularity, or the ability to feel and name more than one feeling at a time, is hardwired for us and is actually associated with greater resilience. People who can say I feel grateful and tired or I feel connected and sad tend to cope better than people who force themselves into one emotional category.
This means you don’t have to choose between gratitude and heaviness. You can allow both to sit at your table.
Why does this time feel uniquely difficult?
Part of the difficulty of the current moment is what is called the cumulative load, the layering of multiple stressors that individually feel manageable but collectively can become overwhelming. Even when we do not experience events directly, exposure to constant global crises through news and social media…
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