Navigating Difficult Conversations: Experts Offer Guidance

We often avoid certain conversations – whether it’s discussing finances, ending a relationship, or addressing workplace issues – since they can perceive overwhelming. Experts from the University of Bern, Switzerland, offer insights and advice on how to approach these challenging discussions with greater confidence and clarity.

Job Interviews: Authenticity and Fit

Irene Strobel, Head of Human Resources at the University of Bern, suggests that traditional interview questions about strengths and weaknesses are becoming outdated. She prefers to question applicants, “How would your friends describe you?” to gain a more authentic understanding of their personality.

“both sides should find out whether it suits them in terms of content and people,” Strobel states. She emphasizes the importance of being brave and authentic during the interview process. She similarly advises candidates to directly address inappropriate questions, such as those about family planning and exercise their right to remain silent. Contact information for Irene Strobel is available on the University of Bern website.

Ending a Relationship: Respect and Avoiding Blame

Yvonne Egenolf, a couples therapist, explains that the difficulty in saying “I’m breaking up with you” lies not in the words themselves, but in the shock and strong emotions it triggers for the partner.

“Avoid blaming one another,” Egenolf advises. While pain and sadness are inevitable during a separation, she stresses the importance of treating each other with respect and appreciation. She notes that some couples may even decide to separate together during therapy, depending on the nature of their relationship and the reasons for the split.

Egenolf cautions against abruptly ending a relationship without explanation (“ghosting”), as this can depart the other person feeling uncertain and distressed.

Money Worries: Listening and Empathy

Michèle Amacker, a gender researcher, points out that discussing money is often taboo in Switzerland, particularly for those in low-wage jobs or precarious financial situations. Shame often plays a role, as individuals may feel they have personally failed, despite systemic factors contributing to poverty.

When discussing financial worries with loved ones, Amacker recommends resisting the urge to immediately offer solutions. Instead, prioritize listening and avoiding judgment. “Listen more than you talk,” she emphasizes, focusing on understanding the other person’s perspective and needs.

Amacker also highlights the value of empathy and openness in research settings, acknowledging that discussing financial hardship can be emotionally draining. She suggests alternative forms of expression, such as drawing or photographs, to help individuals articulate their experiences.

Addressing Discrimination: Courage and Preparation

Gina Vega, from the Equal Opportunity Department, stresses that intervening against discrimination and harassment requires courage and preparation. She recommends being aware of your own perceptions and knowing that they are valid.

Vega shares a personal experience of intervening when she witnessed a woman being racially insulted on public transportation. After speaking up, other passengers joined in to support her. She advocates for directly addressing inappropriate language and discriminatory behavior in both professional and academic settings, starting by asking about the person’s motives and explaining the impact of their actions. If the behavior persists, she recommends involving managers or the Equal Opportunities Department. The University of Bern’s reporting procedure for sexual harassment is available online.

End-of-Life Discussions: Facing the Inevitable

Steffen Eychmüller, a palliative medicine specialist, emphasizes the importance of discussing end-of-life wishes sooner rather than later. He notes that many individuals and their families have not discussed these crucial topics when facing advanced illness, leading to increased stress.

Eychmüller suggests considering questions such as: “What makes my life worth living?” and “What level of physical and mental capability is necessary for me to still consider my life worth living?” He also recommends identifying a healthcare proxy – someone who can make medical decisions on your behalf if you grow unable to do so.

He advises having these intimate conversations in private and addressing any fears or concerns that may arise, such as fear of suffering or the unknown. He suggests discussing cherished memories and considering creating a letter or video to leave behind.