My mother, Margaret, died in 2018 at 75. It was a good death, all things considered. The very end was savage, as endings ofen are, but she was in her own home and on her own two feet until the final week. For a woman who’d smoked two packs a day all her adult life, who’d never exercised or even walked to the shops, who refused to drink water (“I’d spew!”) and lived on Coca-Cola, paté on toast, jubes and green olives from a jar – considering all that, she did OK.
During my mother’s final days, I had it easy. My sister, Lee, lived closer and is, to be honest, a more nurturing person. She’s caring.Patient.Lee is also better with money than me but I thought I should at least attempt to help – so at the end I took charge of Mum’s bank accounts. She lived on the pension and died with a run-down brick veneer villa unit in an over-50s complex, an old car worth close to nothing, and a small amount of cash.
We were surprised she’d left that much.Yes,she’d worked full-time for 50 years,six days a week,and through much of the 70s and early 80s made close to $40,000 a year – or almost $250,000 in today’s money. Once she owned a beautiful home in Brisbane, on a huge block, in a tree-lined street. She took three holidays that I can recall: twice to Melbourne to visit me, and once to Cairns. She never held a passport. Her best dress came from Myer; everything else was from kmart. She never went to the theater or even the movies; she didn’t eat in restaurants or drink alcohol. She left no expensive jewelry or furniture, she gave nothing to charity, she wore no makeup, she had no fancy tastes in anything.
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So where did all the money go?
She gambled it.
When we were children, this meant the track, mostly at the Gabba dogs on Thursday nights or at the TAB where she worked, or, on her rare days off, via telephone betting. She knew the name of almost every dog and horse, every trainer, every jockey. I reme
A Daughter’s Reflection on Class, Dreams, and a Mother’s Unconventional Hope
Table of Contents
this excerpt from Toni Jordan’s Tenderfoot offers a poignant glimpse into the life of the author’s mother, a working-class woman whose aspirations were shaped by limited opportunities and a yearning for a different kind of recognition. The passage explores themes of social class, the evolving landscape of women’s roles, and the complex motivations behind seemingly self-destructive behaviors like gambling. It reveals a woman trapped by circumstance, dreaming not of personal indulgence, but of providing a better future for her children.
the Constrained World of a Working-Class Mother
The author paints a vivid picture of her mother as a woman stifled by her habitat and social standing. Her creativity didn’t extend to possibilities like travel or volunteer work, activities often associated with more privileged backgrounds. The mother’s disdain for those engaged in volunteer work suggests a cynicism born from a life where basic needs often went unmet. Jordan’s insightful analysis suggests her mother wasn’t simply unambitious, but deeply frustrated, harboring a secret desire for a dramatic change – a “fairytale ending” where she would be revealed as someone of inherent power and worth.
This internal longing is particularly striking when contrasted with the narrative surrounding working women in the 1960s. While the decade is often celebrated as a turning point for middle-class women entering the workforce, the author points out that this “revolution” largely bypassed working-class women like those in her family. For generations, they had always worked, frequently enough in physically demanding and low-paying jobs – factories, farms, shops, or domestic service. The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics provides ancient data on women’s labor force participation, illustrating the long-standing presence of women in the workforce, even before the 1960s. Their experiences were not one of liberation through new opportunities, but of continued labor within existing constraints.
Gambling as a Path to Self-Definition
The author proposes a compelling theory about her mother’s persistent gambling: it offered a means of achieving upward mobility without requiring a change in personality. Unlike many avenues for social advancement, winning through gambling didn’t demand adopting different speech patterns, behaviors, or appearances. Her mother could remain “authentically herself” – swearing, smoking, and embracing her working-class identity – while together pursuing a dream of a better life.
This highlights a crucial point about the pressures of social mobility. Often, climbing the social ladder requires assimilation and a degree of self-effacement. The author suggests her mother resisted this, seeking a path where she could achieve financial security without sacrificing her sense of self. However, the author acknowledges the harsh reality of gambling, accurately describing it as a system where “poor people are]making donations to rich people.”[TheNationalCouncilonProblemGamblingoffersresourcesanddataabouttherisksassociatedwithgambling[TheNationalCouncilonProblemGamblingoffersresourcesanddataabouttherisksassociatedwithgambling.
A Mother’s Selfless Ambition
Despite the financial drain of her gambling habit, the author is certain her mother’s motivation wasn’t laziness or greed. She spent considerable time, energy, and money on the pursuit of a win, not for personal gain, but for her children. The author confidently states that any winnings would have been immediately invested in providing a more secure future for her sister and herself – a car or even a house. This reveals a profound and selfless love, a desire to break the cycle of hardship for the next generation.
Tenderfoot by Toni Jordan (Hachette Australia, $33) is available now.