The New Year is generally a time for reflection, where we think about our lives in years past and, inevitably, the people in them. Today, we are privileged in that reconnecting with those acquaintances, childhood classmates, or former colleagues after years is not only possible, but, thanks to living in the digital age, easy to do. While reaching out to old friends can lead to genuine, meaningful renewal, sometimes, a “blast from the past” can also provoke discomfort, confusion, or emotional fatigue instead. The difference between these two responses lies not only in the content of the message of reconnection, but in the emotional awareness behind it, as well.
In psychological terms, when we reach out to someone from the past, we are offering a “bid for reconnection.” A “bid” is any gesture that seeks to initiate contact, engagement, or closeness. It can be as simple as a message, a question, or a shared memory. In the context of reconnection, a bid is an attempt to bridge a lapse in interaction and re-enter someone’s life, frequently enough without context or clarity about whether such contact is welcome.
While some bids are genuine and reciprocal, others are transactional, performative, or even emotionally manipulative. if you are eager to reconnect with someone this New Year, the intent, timing, and emotional awareness will make the difference in how your bid is received.
If You Are Reaching Out: How to Make a Thoughtful Bid
Writing to an old friend after time apart requires emotional intelligence along with the acceptance that the other person may not want to re-engage, and that does not make them wrong or unkind.
Here are the key principles to follow when wanting to reconnect:
- Acknowledge the time and distance. Instead of acting as though no time has passed, which may feel disorienting or dismissive to the recipient, saying something along the lines of “Hi, I know it’s been quite a while. I’ve thought of you recently and wanted to reach out” offers an acknowledgement and respect of the recipient’s time and experience.
- Offer warmth, not obligation. Extend a bid for connection without assuming it will be returned. As an example, “No pressure to respond, I just wanted to send warm thoughts your way.”
- Show a genuine interest in the other person’s life. Ask questions with sincerity, not just to segue into your own news, like “How have you been? I’d love to hear about what you’ve been up to if you feel like sharing.”
- Reflect on your motivation. Before sending the message, ask yourself why you are reaching out, and why now. Is it because you want to connect or want to be
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