The Real Reason Teens Seem shy

Insecure.

That’s the word I would choose to best capture the growing-up experience of teenagers. A characterization harvested from my 56 years of working with youth as a coach, psychologist, teacher, mentor, playground supervisor, camp counselor, etc.

Please don’t do my age math on that!

what’s the insecurity all about? A mix of things, including the search for identity, socializing with peers, and just plain getting older. Those, and other contributing factors, can be an intertwined, confusing, and anxiety-provoking struggle for teens, including young athletes, musicians, and other performers.

How they respond to that befuddlement can led to either a life of meaningful fulfillment or one of messy misdirection, dysfunction, and ultimate life disappointment.

This two-part series explores the existential dilemma of insecurity experienced by youth, including the outlook of two people who traversed that challenge, achieving successful and renown musical careers.

We’re talking about John Bell, the frontman and a founding member of the band Widespread Panic, and Lee Mars, an original member of the Rock-and-Roll Hall-of-Fame group Nine Inch Nails and mix engineer of much widely known music, including the original score of the movie School of Rock.

A Little Context

I have known both Bell and Mars since they were kids, growing up in Shaker Heights, ohio, a suburb of Cleveland. I was John’s summer camp counselor in 1971 and 1972 when he was a 5th and 6th grader. Lee attended Byron Junior High School, a school I worked at from 1978 through 1983.

please understand that neither John nor Lee were under my psychological care, and that I am not claiming any credit for their success. Hopefully, I contributed a little something to their lives, but their accomplishments belong to them.

I did have the chance to closely observe both during their youth. While Bell and Mars were well-liked and respected by their peers, they appeared to be a bit reserved when around other kids.It was something I noticed about many other teens I knew who went on to grate achievement.

At the time, I attributed their reserved demeanor to shyness.

I was wrong.

the Real Reason

They were being true to themselves, not compromising values and interests for the purpose of trying to fit in with their peers, as so many other teenagers do.

Recent reflection on my time and experience with many young people as they were growing up led me to the understanding that it wasn’t shyness at all. It was