Understanding Your Reactions: Discomfort and Behavior

When at a stoplight, do you instinctively pick up your phone? What about when you’re standing in a checkout line?

When someone you love is upset, do you find yourself swooping in to make them feel better-perhaps even talking too much (with the best of intentions, of course)?

At work, do you compulsively recheck your projects, replay conversations, and skip lunch-not to get ahead but to outrun the uneasy feeling that you might not measure up?

If these aren’t patterns of behavior or in some way interfering with your (or someone else’s) quality of life, they may be no big deal. But for many people, they’re counterproductive habits worth addressing. To determine into which camp your behavior falls, consider its function. Simply put, consider the purpose the behavior serves.A helpful question to ask is: Am I doing this to mitigate or avoid an uncomfortable feeling? or does the situation truly warrant my response?

Different situations evoke different levels of distress and discomfort in each of us. The harder a situation is, the more distress we’ll feel; the easier a situation, the less distress we’ll feel. It’s no different when it comes to the “stuff” in our heads. The more challenging a memory/image/thought/emotion the harder it is to feel (e.g., it causes more discomfort), while better memories/thoughts/images are easier to feel. The more difficult a situation is, the stronger our feelings might be and the higher the likelihood that our focus will be misdirected from the situation to our discomfort.