I will never forget the last Christmas I spent with my mother because I hated it. A few weeks before the holiday, we decided she would no longer undergo treatment for her breast cancer or multiple sclerosis. We knew the end was near, but had no idea when it would arrive. We were told six months to a year, which I now know means, “Your person could die any day now.” I knew it would probably be our last Christmas together, and the pressure to try and create a perfect holiday for a dying woman, plus the stress of her end-of-life care, my work, our collective worry about what would happen when mom actually died, plus the searing pain of griefit was honestly all just too much. We went through the motions, but there was vrey little genuine holiday cheer, just sadness, stress, uncertainty, and heartache.

Grieving during the holidays is hard, and in every discussion I’ve had recently, it feels as though the collective grief and uncertainty of this year has us all a bit untethered. Recent conversations with colleagues,family,and friends usually start out with someone saying,”I’m doing OK.” Still, when pressed, and I press because I’m a writer and feelings person, peopel are struggling. It feels as though we are all hanging by a proverbial thread that’s about to snap. Political and economic uncertainty coupled with personal losses and conflicts around the globe, have all created an epidemic of exhaustion that is firmly rooted.

How Can We Make Room For Grief This Holiday Season?

Acknowledgement

You cannot heal from that which you do not acknowledge. Because we often fail to properly acknowledge our collective grief, we must create space to acknowledge our shared and individual losses ourselves. Clinical psychologist, Lizzie Cleary, PhD, suggests “that by replacing stock answers with genuine feelings, you will likely model and give permission for others to do the same which can deepen connections.” During this holiday season, talk openly about your grief and create space for others to do the same. Be honest and authentic about what you’re going through. The collective trauma of the last few years requires collective healing, so don’t shy away from sharing your grief. Your loss is yours alone, but you don’t have to heal alone.

Boundaries

If the holidays have you feeling fragile this year, and you’re worried that family members or friends might try and force you “to turn your lemons into lemonade” when you’re simply not there yet, establish and articulate clear boundaries. Be intentional about what you need and who you surround yourself with during this holiday season.