When you slow down and take the time to look back at your life thus far, you’ve actually accomplished so much. You’ve persevered through challenges that would have broken most.But rather of celebrating, that voice inside of your head warns you, “Don’t relax, yet. Keep pushing. you’re not there, yet.”
So you keep hustling and double down on working harder, justifying it with “rational” concerns that things could change anytime and, heck, your competition isn’t resting. Even on vacation, you’re thinking about work and constantly checking your messages to put out fires. You’re in a stunning place having an amazing meal with incredible entertainment, yet you’re feeling numb, like you’re going through the motions and you’re not emotionally present.
Why is it so hard for us high achievers to simply relax and feel good? Why does joy feel like a luxury rather of a birthright? HereS the truth few high performers discuss: Many of us have built our lives to handle stress but never learned how to handle joy.
The Hidden Guilt Beneath the Grind
Onc we reach school age, the system starts to praise hard work and discipline over creative imagination and fun. Each year you age, things get more serious and restrictive. To compete and move on to the next level, you need to work hard first in order to earn play and relaxation.
in his book The Big Leap, one of my favorite authors, psychologist Gay Hendricks, refers to this as the “Upper Limit Problem.” Hendricks describes it as the invisible ceiling on how good we’re willing to let life feel. In his transformational book Psycho-Cybernetics, Maxwell Maltz describes how we all have a self-image thermostat. It’s an internal control center that keeps your identity consistent with what you believe you deserve.When joy, love, or success rise above that setting, the subconscious trips a circuit. You might pick a fight, overwork, or suddenly lose focus. Not because you’re broken, but because your nervous system is trying to return to familiar territory.
And on the other end of the thermostat, when life dips below what your subconscious believes you deserve, you’ll find ways to raise yourself back up. you’ll get help, become resourceful, and get motivated to do whatever it takes to restore balance. In both directions,your self-image acts like a psychological autopilot,keeping you flying at the altitude you believe is safe. The pr
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