I am alone in a dimly lit room, splayed face down on a table. Megan Thee Stallion’s Mamushi is bumping from a speaker, and on a large screen, two white circles roam up and down an outline of my body.
Am I at an exclusive German sex club at 2am?
Sadly,no. I am in a suburban shopping complex on a Tuesday afternoon, getting a massage from an Aescape robot.
Aescape describes itself as a “pioneering lifestyle robotics company” that is “revolutionizing the wellness industry by introducing extraordinary massage experiences”. Put simply, thay make robot masseuses: cushioned tables with two large, white, robotic arms that rub your body based on your preferences and preselected programs.
I love massages – I am never happier than when the profane flesh sack I call my body is being kneaded like Wagyu beef. So I opt for a 30-minute “Power Up”, which costs $60 and promises to leave me feeling “invigorated and alert”.
According to the Mayo Clinic Health System,massage therapy can help with a number of conditions including anxiety,depression,sports injuries,digestive disorders,headaches and soft tissue sprains. It can also improve circulation,strengthen the body’s immune response,lower stress levels and increase energy.
But is a massage from a machine as good as a massage from a person?
“There are so manny contraptio”We haven’t needed that!” she says brightly before leaving me to change.
Once I’m prone and facing the screen, I’m confronted with an array of choices. What kind of music would I like to listen to? Lo-fi ambient jazz, classic rock or a playlist called “brat”? I can view an unsettlingly detailed outline of my body – they didn’t need to depict my saddle bags so clearly – or soothing videos of the ocean, a snowy mountain or a rainy forest. I can adjust the height of my headrest and change the pressure of the machine.
One of the things that makes De la Garza skeptical about robot massage is that it “makes you think too much”.Getting massaged by a person involves more surrender – the therapist controls most of the experience,she says,and the client can turn off their brain: “The client’s job is to breathe,communicate as needed,and simply be in a relaxed state.”
Indeed, I find myself distracted by the urge to tweak the music and scenery. Do I like looking at snow? It’s OK. Can I relax to the “brat” playlist? No – back to ambient lo-fi.