The Science of Falling in Love

In the era ofswipe’ and infinite ‘scroll’is there still room for love? The dDigital technology is rapidly engulfing our liveschewing feelings and heart space? One thing is certain: these days, we have learned to govern almost every aspect of our existence, including emotions. We optimize choices, filter feelings, manage connections.

On Valentine’s Day, reflecting on the mechanisms of love is a must QNSalus he does it his way: today we talk about love with the neurologist Piero Barbantidirector of the Headache and Pain Treatment and Research Unit of the IRCCS San Raffaele in Rome and Professor of Neurology at the San Raffaele University.

Because love – if you look at it with the tools of science – is anything but reassuring. It’s not just a cultural story. It’s a biological fact. AND written in our brain even before in our stories.

Professor, does love exist?

“Love does not exist. Love exists: for a partner, for children, for friends, for others, for nature, for animals. An affective geography that crosses the brain and the evolutionary history of the species.”

Love is born as a primary impulse, necessary for survival. It’s the instinct to stick together. It is the indispensability of the other. It is not a romantic superstructure: it is a program written in the nervous system…

“When we fall in love, a real neurochemical storm is unleashed in the brain. The hypothalamus releases substances that also explain the so-called ‘love sickness’: dopamine increases, which generates euphoria; the nerve growth factor, associated with romance, increases; oxytocin, linked to attachment, increases; while serotonin fluctuates, contributing to the recurring thought component typical of falling in love. In some ways, the circuits involved resemble those of addictions. It is not It’s a coincidence that falling in love has something feverish, excessive, slightly irrational.”

Yet love does not coincide with passion alone. From the neuroscientific point of view, the authentic one, it implies dedication and courage. What happens in the brain when we fall in love?

“Loving means exposing yourself, being willing to sacrifice, this process is associated with a modulation of the activity of the amygdala, the brain area linked to fear. It is a fact that helps to clearly distinguish what love is not: pathological jealousy, stalking and violence have no root in the true emotional bond. True love does not destroy, does not possess, does not destroy. It protects”.

In an era of permanent connections and relationships mediated by screens, an inevitable question arises: can love be born without presence?

“If history shows that a bond can survive distance, it is difficult to imagine that it can be born without contact, closeness, real exchange. The human brain recognizes love through proximity, sensory sharing, mutual experience.”

Even the idea of a “safe love” offered by artificial intelligence, free of conflicts, unpredictability and risk, appears, according to the expert, incompatible with what happens in our nervous system.

“The human being loves what he cannot totally possess, what retains a share of mystery and otherness. A perfectly programmed profile cannot generate that element of unpredictability that the brain recognizes as an authentic bond. Love is not a biological risk, on the contrary, it is the mechanism that guarantees continuity, gratitude, recognition and social cohesion”.

Perhaps, on Valentine’s Day, the real question is therefore not whether love still exists. The question is whether we are still willing to take the risk of hearing it. Is it worth it?

“In a world that demands control and provides alternatives for everything, love remains the only dimension that continues to escape the logic of replaceability”.

And it is perhaps precisely this irreducibility that makes it our most profoundly human experience. The only one that doesn’t have a plan B.

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